somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
