sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize