Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
