quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
