3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
