he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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