I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
