dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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