my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize