Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You ruined the universe
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
