there's paper in my vomit.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
