Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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