You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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