Cold hands, warm shart.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
