There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize