I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
