Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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