no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
