how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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