he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
