oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
