I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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