its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Dignity is for republicans.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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