I'm eating all of the evidence.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
