What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
