just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
