if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize