Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
