yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
