haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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