i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I had to cum in my sink.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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