So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
