When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
