Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
