Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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