Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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