i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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