the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
