I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
