I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
