he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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