So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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