That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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