I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
