I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
