My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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