i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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