Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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