I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
