this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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