We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
