I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
