ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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