Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
