Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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