so explain again why im purple
no
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
