my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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