I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
