I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
