I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
