how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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