you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
