i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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