We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
