then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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