Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
