His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
