oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
