i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
