They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
