I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Can I color on your dick again?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
