girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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