can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
