so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
