FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
