We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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