ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Randomize
