wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
